Stupid Customer-isms

My job, for the most part, is pretty unbareable. My manager sucks - she rarely works on the floor with us, she's late almost every day, she never has the schedule done on time, and she's constantly taking credit for all the good work done by our assistant deli manager - and the customers are hella annoying. My coworkers are fun, though, and to help each other get through the days we've started compiling a list of the funny, stupid, or just plain ridiculous things our customers say to us everyday. I'm sure I'll be adding to this, as the never-ending weeks go by:

"Can I get a vegetarian sub with turkey?"

"This ham says that it costs $8.99 a pound, but I don't need that much. Can I just get half a pound?"

Coworker: "How would you like your meat sliced?"
Customer: "On a slicer."

Customer: "Do you have any ketchup?"
Coworker: "Ma'am, there's some on the shelf there."
Customer: "That's all Heinz ketchup. Don't you have another brand?"
Coworker: "No."
Customer: "Well, I can't use that one. I don't support him."
Coworker: "Who?"
Customer: "John Kerry."

Customer: "My husband wants a turkey for dinner tonight, but I don't feel like cooking. Can I just buy one of your turkeys?"
Me: "You might be better off buying a turkey in our meat department. The turkeys we have here are for slicing, and we would have to sell it to you by the pound, which would be pretty expensive. But the meat department has pre-cooked turkeys that you can just heat up in the oven."
Customer: "Ok, I'll go check over there."
*a few minutes later, as I'm walking through the store, I see the same customer*
Me: "Did you find what you were looking for?"
Customer: [holds up a jar of peanut butter] "Yes, thank you."

More to come...