On his quest to track down and capture escaped Phantom "Zoners," Clark travels to Seattle (er, Seattle, British Colombia?) to investigate a case of sailors and dock workers who literally had the bones sucked out of them. Anyhoo, Clark poses as a medical student (ha!) then a coroner (ha ha!) to find clues. The culprit is a giant dude with sweet fronts who is pulling the bones out and drinking the delicious marrow. Mmm, bone marrow (drool).... Clark tries his crest on the thug, but it turns out it doesn't work because the guy's not a phantom. Before Clark can get his ass kicked further, someone else attacks the Zoner, killing him. It's a giant green dude in a cape who eats Oreos. I don't want to ruin it, but...Martian Manhunter! In the other storyline, Lex is transformed into an electronic frequency by a former resident of Floor 33.1, a KryptoVillain who is trying to expose the secret lab. As Lex is stuck in his frequency, he can see and hear Lana, but she can't see or hear him. Much lovey-dovey "I miss you! I love you!" sentiments are exchanged as Lana tries to get him back. She spills the beans about being pregnant. Lex is thrilled because he wuvs Lana. And she wuvs him, too. Jimmy busts out his dad's old radio equipment to pick up the frequency (Kenneth) and the KryptoVillain is killed by Lex and a knife in a decidedly old school way. Lana tells Lex she's cool with the evil things that may or may not have happened in Floor 33.1. Papa Luthor moves the lab while Lex is all static and afterward demands to be made a partner in the experiments as a condition of sharing the new location. Lex, moved beyond all reason by Lana's deep and sudden love for him, decides to get his woo on. He brings Lana into his office, which is full of candles and flowers, and proposes to her with a very expensive ring. Pregnancy. A wedding proposal. I think the last ingredient for jumping the shark is The Great Gazoo.
Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure this series jumped the shark way back in season four. Which I recently bought on dvd. I used to LOVE Smallville, and I had the first three seasons already. When I found the fourth season at GameStop for only $30, I didn't question why I hadn't bothered to purchase it before. That was the season that introduced Lois Lane, after all, and isn't she awesome? Having watched (most of) the season again, I'm now starting to remember why I stopped watching in the first place. Lois got really annoying, really fast. And Lana, who in my opinion had ALWAYS been annoying, because super-annoying with her stupid tattoo and MuLana kung-fu fighting.
But I've grudgingly started watching again, because it did pick up (slightly) last season. There were two episodes when Lana died, which, awesome! Even though one was a future-dream-sequence and the other was reversed by Jor-El, they still made my nights. But this whole pregnancy thing is just retarded. I'm sick of seeing Lana with Lex. I wish they really would kill her off already. I thought comic-Lana was annoying, but tv-Lana is even worse. I am excited, however, that Jimmy has been brought in as a recurring character, and also that Martian Manhunter was sorta-introduced. Bring on the Justice League, baby!