Right after we opened the store, I saw a young guy (probably about 14 or 15) walking around, looking confused.
Me: Do you need any help?
Young Guy: *stares at my breasts* Yeah, those Dooney & Burke purses you have sitting out, are those the only ones you have?
Me: (slightly amused) Yeah, I'm sorry. Was there something else you needed?
Young Guy: *still staring* No, that's ok. Thanks.
I had to resist the urge to either slap him, or to snap my fingers, point toward my face and say, "Hey, my eyes are up here, dude." To be fair, I was wearing my V-day shirt (it's pink, says "FLIRT" on it, and only cost $5 at Target), but it's not like it takes 5 minutes to read one word.
Another amusing thing actually happens pretty regularly (at least since our sliding glass doors broke, and we had to put a sign up saying, "THESE DOORS ARE BROKEN, PLEASE USE SIDE DOORS"). Every once in a while, someone power-walking up to the doors won't notice/read the sign, or they'll be walking too fast to stop in time, and they walk right into them. So that's always fun. One time, we were still in our morning meeting when this woman practically ran up to the sliding glass doors and we all had to try not to laugh at the confused expression on her face. Another thing about the sliding glass doors; people seem to forget that they don't work when they're leaving the store as well. They'll just stand in front of them, waiting for them to open. Eventually, they notice the sign or just give up and use one of the side manual doors. You never realize how lazy people really are (how hard is it to use a manual door?) until you see something like that. And it may seem mean to laugh at something like that, but if you've ever worked retail and had to deal with bitchy people during a major holiday season, then you'd probably find it funny, too.
Also, we made Valentine's Day bags a few days ago. Like you did in elementary school, remember? When everyone decorated a paper bag with hearts and stuff and then you gave out cards and your teacher always made sure that everyone had a list with everyone's name on it so no one would feel left out? Yeah, anyway...my bag started out pretty generic. There were paper heart cutouts we could use, so I glued one of those on there, then cut out an arrow and pasted it so that it looked like it was piercing the heart. Then I decided to draw some blood dripping down, and ended up with a little puddle of blood on the bottom of the bag. The reactions to this object d'arte ranged from "cute," to "interesting," to "morbid." One ASM just assumed it was a political statement (because I'm a bleeding-heart liberal, I guess), which I thought was funny. I tried telling everyone it was "emo," but since only one other coworker even knew what I was talking about, it wasn't that funny. Oh, well.