Why I Hate Cell Phones: Reason #2,068

Ooo...Cingular made me so mad today. I stopped by the store while taking a break from my bagging-and-boarding duties to get my phone plan changed. Right now, it's in my mom's name and she pays the bills. I wanted to upgrade the plan (since there's not a phone at the house I'm moving to, and I use it for work a lot more now) to get more daytime minutes. I went to a Cingular store near work a week or so ago and the extremely bored young girl behind the desk told me that I was not listed as an authorized user of my phone, so my mom would have to call Customer Service and put the phone in my name. I called mom and asked her to do this, but she apparently forgot. Because she's my mom, and she does that sometimes.

So I went by this other store today and explained the situation to Un-Helpful Guy #1. UHG1 told me that my mom still hadn't called Customer Service, but that I could call her and he would help me out after he had helped this other couple that had just walked in. So I called mom, gave her the number to call, and waited. She called back to tell me that she had listed me as an authorized user, and the woman she talked to had told her that meant I could change the account and put it in my name. So, I went back to UHG1, who told me that it would take a few minutes for the change to show up in the system, so could I please wait while he helped another person who had just walked in? By this time, it was getting close to 6 pm, so I knew they were going to be closing soon. I knew exactly which plan I wanted (I've known for over a week now) so it probably wouldn't have taken that long, but whatever.

There was only one other sales rep (UHG2) working, and when he got done with his other customers, he asked if I needed anything. I started to tell him my situation, and he interrupted me, asking my age. ?! I told him (24), and he informed me that I was not authorized to transfer the phone into my own name. Which was crap, as the woman my mom had just talked to told her that I was, because she had transferred it to me. I told UHG2 this, and he said that mom would have to come into the store and sign a document stating that she was transferring the phone to me. My mom lives 2 hours away, and she doesn't have the time to come driving down here just so I can upgrade my phone plan. I asked UHG2 if I could have a copy of the form, and he told me no. I tried to explain that I just wanted it so I could read over it and fill out my part of the information, but he just kept insisting that mom had to sign it in person. The current popular theory is that he just wanted to get rid of me so he could close up shop and go home. Jerk.

At this point, I got way too frustrated with the whole experience and decided to leave. I had been in the store for almost an hour, and accomplished nothing. Grr! So now, I'm still without my new plan and growing increasingly annoyed with every Cingular store visit. Next time, I'm going to one of the mall kiosks.

It's amazing what you find doing random Google searches...

Ohio gay marriage ban at center of domestic violence challenge.

CLEVELAND - Darnell Forte is accused of slapping a woman he lived with. To try to get a domestic violence charged overturned, his lawyer has raised a wider issue, claiming a conflict between Ohio's new constitutional amendment defining marriage and the state's domestic violence law.

Opponents of the amendment banning gay marriage, among the nation's broadest, feared the measure would be used to try to curtail all sorts of rights for unmarried people, and they say the domestic violence case in Cleveland is one such attempt.

"What's at stake goes beyond the issue of gay marriage, it's whether or not a state constitutional amendment can strip Ohio people of basic protections," said Heather Sawyer, senior counsel in Chicago for Lambda Legal, a national gay rights organization.

The case is being watched nationally because of the precedent that could be set if the domestic violence charges are thrown out. Forte's lawyer argues his client cannot be charged with the felony because domestic violence charges should be reserved for married couples under the state's law defining marriage, which won 62 percent of the vote in November.

The OTHER 3 Amigos

Apparently, Valentine's Day also marks the start of National Condom Awareness Week. I was not aware we needed an awareness week for condoms, but whatever. Check out The Three Amigos website. It's a series of PSAs featuring anthropomorphous condoms. Interesting.

Happy Single Persons Awareness Day!

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but this Valentine's Day wasn't nearly as craptacular as I expected it to be. Work was fun, and there were actually a few very amusing moments throughout the day. We started the day off with a mini-party in the breakroom, with cakes, cookies, candies, and coffee - pretty much any "c" word you can think of that had enough sugar and caffeine to keep us peppy and motivated. I spent the morning running around, handing out Harry Potter V-day cards and trying to ride out my sugar high.

Right after we opened the store, I saw a young guy (probably about 14 or 15) walking around, looking confused.

Me: Do you need any help?
Young Guy: *stares at my breasts* Yeah, those Dooney & Burke purses you have sitting out, are those the only ones you have?
Me: (slightly amused) Yeah, I'm sorry. Was there something else you needed?
Young Guy: *still staring* No, that's ok. Thanks.

I had to resist the urge to either slap him, or to snap my fingers, point toward my face and say, "Hey, my eyes are up here, dude." To be fair, I was wearing my V-day shirt (it's pink, says "FLIRT" on it, and only cost $5 at Target), but it's not like it takes 5 minutes to read one word.

Another amusing thing actually happens pretty regularly (at least since our sliding glass doors broke, and we had to put a sign up saying, "THESE DOORS ARE BROKEN, PLEASE USE SIDE DOORS"). Every once in a while, someone power-walking up to the doors won't notice/read the sign, or they'll be walking too fast to stop in time, and they walk right into them. So that's always fun. One time, we were still in our morning meeting when this woman practically ran up to the sliding glass doors and we all had to try not to laugh at the confused expression on her face. Another thing about the sliding glass doors; people seem to forget that they don't work when they're leaving the store as well. They'll just stand in front of them, waiting for them to open. Eventually, they notice the sign or just give up and use one of the side manual doors. You never realize how lazy people really are (how hard is it to use a manual door?) until you see something like that. And it may seem mean to laugh at something like that, but if you've ever worked retail and had to deal with bitchy people during a major holiday season, then you'd probably find it funny, too.

Also, we made Valentine's Day bags a few days ago. Like you did in elementary school, remember? When everyone decorated a paper bag with hearts and stuff and then you gave out cards and your teacher always made sure that everyone had a list with everyone's name on it so no one would feel left out? Yeah, anyway...my bag started out pretty generic. There were paper heart cutouts we could use, so I glued one of those on there, then cut out an arrow and pasted it so that it looked like it was piercing the heart. Then I decided to draw some blood dripping down, and ended up with a little puddle of blood on the bottom of the bag. The reactions to this object d'arte ranged from "cute," to "interesting," to "morbid." One ASM just assumed it was a political statement (because I'm a bleeding-heart liberal, I guess), which I thought was funny. I tried telling everyone it was "emo," but since only one other coworker even knew what I was talking about, it wasn't that funny. Oh, well.

"He died the death of a salesman, in his green velvet slippers..."

RIP, Arthur Miller.

Like that scene in Chasing Amy, only not funny

This has got to be one of the most f-ed up stories ever:
One of my roommates, Jennifer, was at the grocery store today when she saw a little boy (about 3 years old) playing in a car by himself. Somehow, he managed to put the car in reverse and it started rolling toward a building. Jen lunged into the car and was dragged across the parking lot, but she was able to stop the car before the kid was hurt. When the father came out of the store, she explained what had happened and told the man that she had called 911 and needed to be taken to the hospital. This asshat pushed her out of the way and drove off. ?! She remembered part of the license plate, and has to file a police report tomorrow. He'll be charged with child endangerment (he didn't even have a carseat for the kid) and leaving the scene of an accident. Jen ended up with a hairline fracture in her wrist, multiple cuts down her back and legs, and possibly a dislocated shoulder. But at least she (and the kid) are ok.

O, Canada!

I found out today that I've been singing the Canadian national anthem incorrectly. It's, "We stand on guard for thee," not, "We stand on God for thee." I swear I'm not an idiot; it's just that the only time I ever hear it is at hockey games. And it's always sung by chicks with Southern accents, so I can't understand them anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I still like my version better.

The State of the Union

I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

-Voltaire

Michelle's friend, Jeremy, came to trivia tonight, and we spent the first half of the game good-naturedly arguing about the State of the Union address from last night. One part that really struck me: "Our second great responsibility to our children and grandchildren is to honor and to pass along the values that sustain a free society. So many of my generation, after a long journey, have come home to family and faith, and are determined to bring up responsible, moral children. Government is not the source of these values, but government should never undermine them. Because marriage is a sacred institution and the foundation of society, it should not be re-defined by activist judges. For the good of families, children, and society, I support a constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage."

In other words, a ban on gay marriages. Stuff like this helps me remember why I support the Libertarians and want less government interaction in my life. I was actually pretty worked up when I was discussing it with Jeremy, but four beers and being up past your bedtime came really take the fight out of a girl. We may not have agreed on the issue, but it was nice having someone to debate with who had actually thought out his side of the issue and wasn't simply using the president or the Bible as irrefutable proof - it certainly made it more interesting for Michelle, the innocent bystander. One thing neither of us was sure of was the "real" definition of marriage, so I decided to do some research. This is what I've come up with so far:

mar·riage
n.

The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
The state of being married; wedlock.
A common-law marriage.
A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
A wedding.
A close union: “the most successful marriage of beauty and blood in mainstream comics” (Lloyd Rose).
Games. The combination of the king and queen of the same suit, as in pinochle.

Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
(from dictionary.com)

A tongue-in-cheek Biblical definition.

The legal definition.

After reading all these, I'm curious as to which one W. is protecting. :) At any rate, I guess I have more stuff for Jeremy and me to argue about next week.

(A bit off-topic, but I also found a really amusing State of the Union drinking game)

The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week

Actually, it was probably closer to two weeks ago, but whatever. There's this reality/dating show on MTV called "Room Raiders," and it has the silliest premise for choosing a date ever: three girls are kidnapped, and forced to watch as a random guy searches their rooms and picks one to go on a date with based on what he finds. I was flipping channels and happened on a "special" episode, in which the girls were kidnapped by the female rock group The Donnas. That in and of itself was awesome, because I couldn't believe The Donnas would do something like that. But they did. The second awesome thing about this particular episode was that it took place at UGA, which is about an hour from my house. It's also where Chris goes to Law School and where I spend roughly half of my weekends. I missed the first half of the episode, but I tuned in just in time to hear the guy talking about the fact that he was a virgin, but that he wouldn't mind giving it up on the silk sheets he found in bedroom #2. Klassy! He also found a butcher knife (she claimed it was for protection) in the nightstand. Ooookay. Bedroom #3 was the most interesting, I think. The chick had a compost bin by her bed (?!) because she was, in her own words, "a hippie." The guy opened it up and took a bite out of a half-eaten apple that was inside. Gross. Then he went over to the computer desk and found a pack of cigars. Because I know SOOOO many hippies that smoke cigars. Cloves, maybe; weed, definitely. Cigars? Not so much. But anyway...

So at the end of the episode, the girls go into the guy's room to snoop. He "catches" them, and eliminates them one by one. The first one to go was #3, the "hippie," because of the compost bin thing. Which, granted, was pretty weird. I mean, if you're gonna do that, at least keep it in the kitchen, you know? But the best part was that hippie chick went psycho! She started swearing and stomped out of the room. On her way out, she grabbed an Uga bobble-head doll off the dresser, broke it, and threw it on the floor! The other chicks were like, WTF?! It was awesome. Then the guy eliminated bedroom #1. She was just like, "Ok, whatever," and left. Boring. So he ended up going on a date with girl #2, with the satin sheets and butcher knife by the bed. During the credits, they were doing wrap-up interviews. Psycho tried to explain her craziness, #1 just kinda blew the guy off, and the "winner" said: "I don't like taking things from people, so I don't think I'm going to take his virginity." I almost fell off the bed when she said that, I was laughing so hard.

Then this past weekend, when I was visiting Chris at UGA, I mentioned the show to him. Turns out, the guy works at a gas station just down the street from Chris's apartment, and girls are constantly coming in and asking about him. Hee.

Buster Meets Four Mommies

Yesterday at work, we had two girls trying to shoplift a whole bunch of stuff. Luckily, they realized we were on to them and dropped the merchandise (about $900 worth) just before they left the store. The best part? As they were walking out, The Rolling Stones' "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" started playing.

And apparently, the PBS cartoon "Arthur" is getting in trouble because the character Buster the Bunny goes to Vermont to learn about maple syrup and ends up meeting two sets of lesbian mothers. I think it's great PBS is willing to show something like that, but it may not air because so many conservatives are making such a fuss. I'm sorry, but this is one of those cases where I believe you should just turn it off if it offends you. There's a homosexual couple in that T-Mobile commercial ("Why is my cell phone bill so high?" "Who have you been talking to?" "YOU!") but no one's protesting them. I think it's great that PBS is trying to teach kids about different kinds of families and encouraging tolerance at an early age. "Arthur" can be the Heather Has Two Mommies for the new generation.